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We should be painstaking and perceptive in all the information we give. We should be extraordinarily painstaking in giving opinion that we would not dream up of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to escape giving advise which we don't follow when it damages those who transport us at our word.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
2010年07月03日 07:28
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
2010年07月03日 12:01
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
2010年07月03日 12:57
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
2010年07月03日 12:57
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
2010年07月03日 13:20
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
2010年07月03日 14:33
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
2010年07月03日 14:33
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
2010年07月03日 14:45
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
2010年07月03日 15:52
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
2010年07月03日 15:52
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
2010年07月03日 20:55
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
2010年07月04日 01:52
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
2010年07月04日 05:23
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
2010年07月04日 10:05
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
2010年07月04日 10:05
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
2010年07月04日 13:38
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
2010年07月04日 13:38
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
2010年07月04日 14:53
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
2010年07月04日 21:14
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
2010年07月04日 21:16
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
2010年07月05日 02:41
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
2010年07月05日 02:42
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
2010年07月05日 07:07
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
2010年07月05日 07:53
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
2010年07月05日 16:07
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
2010年07月05日 17:22
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
2010年07月05日 17:22
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
2010年07月05日 17:29
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
2010年07月05日 18:52
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
2010年07月05日 18:52
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
2010年07月05日 19:20
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
2010年07月05日 20:07
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
2010年07月05日 21:12
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
2010年07月05日 21:23
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
2010年07月05日 23:03
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
2010年07月07日 08:41
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
2010年07月07日 08:42
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
2010年07月07日 10:30
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
2010年07月07日 11:10
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
2010年07月07日 12:30
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
2010年07月07日 12:31
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
2010年07月08日 08:04
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
2010年07月08日 08:04
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
2010年07月08日 15:46
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
2010年07月08日 15:46
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
2010年07月08日 16:35
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
2010年07月08日 16:35
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
2010年07月08日 17:07
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
2010年07月08日 18:30
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
2010年07月08日 18:30
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
2010年07月08日 18:30
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
2010年07月08日 18:34
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
2010年07月08日 18:34
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
2010年07月08日 19:46
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
2010年07月08日 19:47
Men have become the tools of their tools.
2010年07月08日 20:30
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
2010年07月08日 21:06
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
2010年07月08日 21:07
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
2010年07月08日 22:25
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
2010年07月08日 22:25
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
2010年07月08日 22:25
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
2010年07月08日 22:27
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
2010年07月08日 22:28
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
2010年07月08日 22:28
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
2010年07月09日 20:41
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
2010年07月09日 20:41
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Sex Toy
2010年07月13日 09:45
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Sex Toy
2010年07月13日 09:45
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 10:40
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 10:40
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 10:41
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 11:36
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 11:36
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 11:36
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 11:36
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 15:45
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 15:45
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 15:46
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 15:46
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Sex Toy
2010年07月13日 17:06
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Sex Toy
2010年07月13日 17:28
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Sex Toy
2010年07月13日 17:28
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Sex Toy
2010年07月13日 17:28
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Sex Toy
2010年07月13日 17:28
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Sex Toys
2010年07月14日 01:43
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Sex Toys
2010年07月14日 01:43
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Sex Toys
2010年07月14日 01:43
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Sex Toys
2010年07月14日 01:43
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Sex Toy
2010年07月14日 02:38
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Sex Toy
2010年07月14日 02:39
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Sex Toy
2010年07月14日 02:39
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Sex Toy
2010年07月14日 02:39
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 08:59
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 08:59
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Sex Toy
2010年07月15日 09:50
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Sex Toy
2010年07月15日 10:43
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 11:09
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
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We should be painstaking and perceptive in all the information we give. We should be extraordinarily painstaking in giving opinion that we would not dream up of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to escape giving advise which we don't follow when it damages those who transport us at our word.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
A hen is only an egg��s way of making another egg.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
If there�s one thing I know it�s God does love a good joke.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Smith & Wesson � the original point and click interface.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
doors.txt;7
doors.txt;7
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Mit der Dummheit k�mpfen G�tter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit k�mpfen G�tter selbst vergebens
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
doors.txt;7
doors.txt;7
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI��!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Smith & Wesson � the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson � the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson � the original point and click interface.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
doors.txt;10
doors.txt;10
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
.,
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do �� whether it is correct or not.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
A hen is only an egg��s way of making another egg.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole famil